that other guy’s thoughts

It is not your duty to keep the economy afloat. You were given the power to regulate inter-state commerce. The fact the Ricky and Lucy’s McMansion is worth less than they paid for it is none of your concern. But since this is an election year, your “brain trust” (I’m using quotation marks in the most agressive and sarcastic manner possible) has decided it needs to give me $600 to like them.

Well, I don’t want you damn money. However, knowing you as I do, If I returned the money you’d just fritter it away on some interstate highway rest stop named in honor of the Senator whom earmarked it. So, I’ve decided to invest in on your behalf, not on snazzy consumer goods or services to boost the economy. It’s going to sit in my boring savings account, earning a boring 4.75% interest. I do this so that when you need it to pay off the 10 trillion dollars in debt (plus $1.6 billion each day) you are burdening myself and members of my generation with, the money will still be there.

You’re Welcome,

Kyle

P.S. Now is the time you should feel guilty about spending like drunken sailors.

I’ve got friend getting engaged, friends getting married, and friends getting (re)pregnant. So this will probably get lost in the shuffle, but starting today, I’ve transfered to the Stress engineering group at Cessna. I’ll go into more detail later, but for now let me preemptively answer your FAQs.

1. Yes, I now work normal day-shift hours.
2. No, I’m not getting paid any more, this was a lateral transfer.
3. Yes, I’m going to like my new job, that’s why I requested it.

You may now go about your previously scheduled business.

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I have officially filled my nerd quota for the next month.

Dear fellow Obamanauts (I’m looking at you will.i.am),

What did I just say?

Apparently it didn’t get through. I’m not down with repeatedly chanting the name of our dear leader while celebrities brag about how much they love their kids. Can’t we just be happy that our guy isn’t a narcisstic, secretive, obsession-prone, fear-monger?

Love,

Kyle

P.S. I do actually realize how arrogant I’m being. It’s not enough that my guy wins; everyone has to support him for my reasons and in a way I don’t deem stupid. At least I’ll readily admit my elitist feelings. It’s an honesty that’s been missing from the Democratic party for a while. Don’t say I never brought you anything.