that other guy’s thoughts

Sure the J-man was speaking in broader terms about the human race, but I’ll take the literal translation when it suits me.

I am not feeling much love and affection from my new upstairs neighbor(s). The old tenets were wonderful people and despite having to wake up and go to work at a near ungodly hour early in the morning and did right by me.

The new crew, despite moving in less than 2 months ago has managed to break a window and screen scattering the debris about the premises. They’ve made a habit of feeding the ducks and geese from the 2nd floor balcony making my patio ground zero for the wonderful sights and smells that 2 dozen feeding fowl bring. They’ve threatened death to all who oppose them while near the friendly confines of my doorway, the entire stairway still smells like Coors light. And tonight for the 5th time have managed to wake me up in the middle of the night with their amateur wrestling moves…or so I hope; which is pretty sad because I’m the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever known, it takes more than a casual muted ruckus to raise me from a slumber, I can only imagine what the other neighbors think.

I’m not even sure who lives there, I’ve seen at least half a dozen people come in and out of there on a regular basis at all hours of the day and night. I’d be all about simple and casual confrontation if threats of bitch cutting weren’t previously raised.

Do I love my neighbors?

I love them for reminding me why I don’t drink.
I love them for demonstrating the courser elements of human nature.
I love them for the comparative boost in my self-esteem.
I love them for giving me a reason to buy a house.
I love them for never messing up the curve in high-school.
I love them for making me look good in every conceivable way.
I love them for the occasional reminder that sleep is still a crutch.
I love them for giving me stories to tell my next of kin.
I love them for shoring up the yearning masses.
I love them for buying dumb crap and keeping the economy going.
I love them for reasons having nothing to do with quality and everything to do with inequality.

Sure I love them.

The great pogo-sticked one never says it had to be for a warm fuzzy reason.

…but this is the funniest internet video clip ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:

The Children of MySpace

It’s okay to be a bit psychotic and boosey in college, but not when you’re 28 and hanging around outside my front door at 1:45 in the morning. I don’t care how bad “dat bitch dun wronged you”, it really is not appropriate to break your half-full beer bottle over the staircase railing and try to stab somebody.

You and you’re friends are welcome to get blitzed and let off some steam, but don’t congregate as a mob of angry twenty-somethings outside my door. And for love the communication, stop screaming indecipherably at one another in a tone in which only every 3rd word can be made out because you seem to have lifted it directly from your set of hand-me-down George Carlin vocabulary lessons. There is a family with a 5-year-old next door for God’s sake.

I swear I was perfectly happy with my living situation for 9 full months. Now there is no way I’m here for much longer than when my current lease expires in June.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the smell of alcohol from unfinished pine?

Question: What are the odds that my boss’s boss’s boss has leaves me a voicemail tomorrow asking me just what exactly provoked me into waging a jihad on all things production schedule related.

Training someone for a job you just recently learned how to competently fulfill is hard and makes you stay at work late.

Oh My Mother Loving God!

I colvused so hard with laughter while watching the most recent episode of south park; I pissed spinal fluid.

If you were not lucky enough to see the acentiant 2-part episode, i will personally send you a copy.

They are technically both in fact. It is illegal to enter this country without permission, the punishment is deportation; going the extra mile to make it a felony is both pointless and mean. The prisons are full enough with regular citizens, no need to lock up the foreign nationals.

They aren’t taking your job, unless your job is to clean ditches for 2 dollars an hour with no benefits. If that be the can, maybe you should take the unemployment check and free time to better yourself through the magic bullet of education.

With that being said; there is absolutely nothing wrong with immigration, nothing. I have but two objections to allowing free access to this countries soil. If you want in, you’re certainly welcome; I only want assurance in two areas.

1.Security. I want to know your full name, family history, and a level-47 background check into your affiliations. Finger/toe/tongue/butt prints and DNA verification are required. Privacy be damned, you want to join the club you’ve got to do the elephant walk.

2.You get no taxpayer money, for X amount of years, 5, 10, 20, whatever. It’s bad enough I’ve got to support my citizen neighbor’s grandfather’s hip-replacement or RV trip to Galveston, I’m not willing taking on another dependent. No welfare; no HUD housing projects; no anything purchased with government money. Drinking from the socialism spigot is for homegrown pinkos only.

That’s it. I don’t care where you are from, how much money you have, what language you speak, or from which moral fiber you are sewn. If you promise not to kill anybody or take my stuff, then I’m happy to help you move in, I’ll even help you with the heavy end of the couch.

As far as I’m concerned, all other policies are based on the abject principles of social justice or xenophobia.

despite being on MTV and an apparent phobia of pronouncing the letter “d”, Nick Cannon’s new show Wild’n Out is quite funny. Something about Improv comedy raises the laughter potential 132 times normal entertainment.

T plus 3 days: Still freaked out.