Because apparently 3 rounds of layoffs isn’t enough, we need to keep stretching this baby out…again.
We got another wonderful “Workforce Planning Update” by email today. And true to form, this one served no purpose other than to freak everybody out. It wasn’t a ‘you’re fired.’ email, or a ‘you’re gonna be fired’ email, or even a ’some of you will be fired.’ email.
It was a ‘At some unknown date in the future, an unknown number of you will get fired at an unknown time. Also, we’re probably gonna temporarily furlough a different unknown number of you, but we don’t really know when we’ll get around to telling you for sure.’ email. That’s some A+ corporate communications fellas, you earned your bonuses this year.
Personally, if I’m gonna get canned, I’d rather it be as soon as possible, so I mentally check out and start looking for another job. Under normal economic circumstances, I’m eminently employable, but nowadays, it would probably take a few months. You know, in these economic times.
Nothing encourages free-thinking, can-do, American ingenuity like hanging the swords of Damocles above your employees’ heads for 6 solid months.
Oops, is that too obscure a reference? How about “Chinese Water Enhanced Interrogation Techniques Torture” or “Death by a thousand paper cuts?”
I managed to survive a 3rd round of layoffs. However, for reasons passing my understanding, I’ve been temporarily traded to Field Service Engineering (for a 240 gallons of Jet-A, 3 boxes of graph paper, and a-player-to-be-named-later, I think). I don’t know if the new job will be better or worse, I don’t even know what my day-to-day responsibilities will be. What I do know is that it’s a budget/manpower thing, and completely out of my control. Right now, I’m choosing not to worry too much about the hows and whys of the source of my paycheck, and more about making sure I get one every 2 weeks.
It’s tough to see so many colleagues lose their jobs because of things 100% out of their control. But as long as the economy is in the crapper, and bashing business jets is the populist fad du jour, even making the best airplanes in the world won’t help.
That leaves us in the same place we’ve always been; attempting to follow TOG’s 2 immutable life rules:
1. Don’t die.
2. Don’t be dumb.
Everything else is just gravy. You know…in these economic times.
Thursday was easily the most anxious, awkward, and weird day of work I could ever imagine. To adequately explain the hanging tension, I need to get you all up to speed on the last 3 months.
In November, Cessna announced they were going to layoff 600 people, about 4% of the total workforce of 15,000+. It’s regrettable, but not cataclysmic or entirely unexpected. Those people got there WARN notices and told their layoffs would be effective by the end of January, January 29th to be precise.
Flash forward a month and half. We get a friendly little e-mail filled with annoying corporate jargon, but the gist was this, “Um yeah, about those layoffs…uh, I’m gonna go ahead and fire another 2,000 of you. Okay?…Um yeah, also we’re not gonna tell you who’s getting fired until January 29th, that way everybody is too worried an preoccupied to do their jobs properly.”
Flash forward again to this past Tuesday afternoon, all Textron employees got an e-mail informing us that all our hard work and goal-achieving last year will be ignored because Textron Corporate has decided to suspend all merit raises at every business unit for all of 2009. Hurray! I love losing the correlation between my pay and performance; I bet that will do wonders for future worker productivity! And because an impersonal e-mail is quite enough of a kick to the balls to the professional work force, a wonderful Q & A sheet was added informing everyone that 2008 Bonuses will still be paid to management. Awesome! Senior Vice Presidents get extra money and I get bled out by inflation. Sweet!
This brings us to Thursday morning, January 29th. 600 People are showing up to their last day of work. 2,000 people at the bottom of their respective totem poles have a feeling they’re about to get axed. It’s makings of a weird day already. Then people start showing up to work.
Waiting in everyone’s inbox is another e-mail with the dreaded subject line and insulting euphemism “Workforce Planning Update.” The unwelcome contents of this email?
“Surprise! We’re not laying off 2,000 people today, we’re laying off 4,000. Most of you will get fired in the next 2 hours, but we’re gonna stretch this out another couple weeks to make everybody else sweat a little more. Plus, anybody still left with a job will have to take mandatory unpaid furloughs starting in March.”
To top it all off, somebody decided to check out Textron’s stock price. The result? Down 30% for the day, capping off a wonderful 85% loss in the last year. It’s a good thing us worker bees don’t get paid in stock. Oh wait! The company matching portion of our 401(k) is 100% company stock that we’re not allowed to sell for 5 years! It just keeps getting more awesome!
By 10 a.m. the tone was set. 600 people on their last day. 3,750 people are out on their asses. 250 people are dead-men walking; they just don’t know it yet. Everybody else is worried for their job, pissed that they won’t get a raise, wondering exactly how long of a furlough they can survive without losing their house, and realizing that they may never get to retire.
Where does your humble TOG land in this mess? In the latter category at the moment, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
I was having difficultly writing something coherent, so I borrowed a bit of inspiration from my favorite writer, Aaron Sorkin. In the end, it wasn’t so hard. 1000 words later, here’s what came out:
The Unknown Happens.
“If our job teaches us anything, it’s that we don’t know what the next President’s gonna face.”
Presidencies are never about what we think they’re going to be about. The issues that face us today weren’t even on the radar 8 years ago. Even today, the biggest threat to our country isn’t a “credit crunch”, or the war in Iraq, or climate change. The biggest threat is probably some unknown or obscure foreign event or domestic policy change that will have massive and unintended consequences for years to come. Think ‘modifying Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac’s lending criteria’ meets ‘OMG Global Economic Hurricane!!1!!1!’ It’s an unknown-unknown, and that’s what makes it so dangerous.
To head these problems at the pass, we need a president with a full view of the playing field. We need a President with intellectual curiosity and self-examination. Barack Obama has both in abundance. John McCain understands self-examination, but doesn’t have the forethought to see past next Tuesday, let alone decades from now. Joe Biden has plenty of curiosity but has yet to solve his personal case of foot-in-mouth-itis. Sarah Palin has neither, insults anybody who does, and revels in her own ignorance.
Process Matters
“We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious men to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, friend, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: Making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle-aged, middle-class, middle-income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family and American values and personal character. Then you have an old photo of the President’s girlfriend. You scream about patriotism and you tell them she’s to blame for their lot in life, you go on television and you call her a whore.”
A McCain victory changes national politics for at least a decade. It validates the Karl Rove model of electoral campaigns. It’s a giant bat-signal to politicians saying that truth doesn’t matter, facts don’t matter, smears don’t matter, the press doesn’t matter, competence doesn’t matter, governance doesn’t matter, temperament doesn’t matter. It means that the American people will elect anyone as long as you can cobble together a string of divisive single-issue voters and paint your opponent as someone to be afraid of. You can abuse power and revel in ignorance. You can refuse to answer questions, never give a press conference, and still have your hate-filled stump speeches broadcast live everyday on CNN. A McCain victory means the last vestiges of small honor in campaign politics is dead.
I don’t know what happened to John McCain, but I do know that if he governs anything like he campaigns, we’re all screwed.
Hope Matters. Always.
“I am here to tell you that hope is real. In a life of trails, in a world of challenges, hope is real. In a country where families go without health care, where some go without food, some don’t even have a home to speak of, hope is real. In a time of global chaos and instability where our faiths collide as often as our weapons, hope is real. Hope is what gives us the courage to face our greatest challenges, to move forward together. We live in cynical times, but hope is not up for debate. There is such a thing as false science, there is such a thing as false promises, but there is no such thing as false hope. There is only hope.”
Our world is crushing down on us right now. For the first time in our history we face the prospect of an entire generation of Americas having a less free, safe, and prosperous life than their parents. Right now, we’re stuck in a deep hole and we’re still digging. We’ve spent ourselves to near exhaustion, economically, culturally, emotionally, and philosophically.
If we ever want to turn it around, and have better days, we simply cannot lose hope. Because hope is the foundation of everything. It’s at the root of each of our families, it’s the promise of religion and faith, and it’s the foundation of our country. Something better is possible. Something better is ALWAYS possible.
Barack Obama understood this, and he made hope the very first, and most central theme of his political career. Before “change”, before “yes, we can”, before everything, there was Hope.
Competence Matters Most.
“There is is. That’s the ten-word answer my staff’s been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They’re the tip of the sword. Here’s my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I’ll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while… every once in a while, there’s a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren’t very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that’s way too big for ten words. I’m the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me.”
This is the lesson that should be first and foremost burned into the minds of our citizenry. Before considering the issues, before party, before ideology, before philosophy, before belief, we absolutely MUST require our leaders to be competent. This is especially true of Presidents. The job entails executing the day-to-day operation of the biggest, most-byzantine, most influential, most dangerous organization in the world. I think before we worry about who’s taxes will go up or down 3% we should figure out if our candidates have intellects and dispositions capable of running such a complex office. Our current president obviously fails this test.
It’s taken me long enough to get here, but I know this: Picking Presidents purely based on their stance on the “issues” is dumb. Almost as dumb and picking them based on hair color. Presidents have to be more than a sum of their positions, otherwise we’re just electing and empty shirt.
This isn’t to say that issues don’t matter. No mistake should be made. Barack Obama is a modern liberal. This is at least cause for pause when considering that he wishes to govern a moderate to mildly conservative population. But one of his most appealing traits to me is his near total adherence to evidence-based policy. Everything he purposes is backed up by scores of studies and surveys and a gaggle of expects to vouch for it’s authenticity. Try as his detractors might, there is nothing radical about him. His proposals for healthcare, foreign policy, fiscal policy, education, and the environment are prudent, well thought-out, and backed up by reams of data.
I may disagree with many of his view and goals, but I’m firmly confident that an Obama administration won’t venture far from what works. It may seem like a misnomer in today’s climate, but this is a traditionally conservative governing process.
I picture an Obama administration, and I see the capacity for the best of all worlds: A call to inspire each of us to find our best selves, and when the boots hit the ground, do what works.
Back in January, I wrote some pretty quick best/worst case summaries for each presidential candidate. I’m not sure if they were informative to anyone else, but they were a great mental exercise for me.
I wanted to bookend the presidential campaign with an update version, so last week and wrote a new 1500 word version factoring in all nuance we’ve learned in the past 11 months. However, I went back and tried to edit it just now, and it’s really bad, unworkably bad, 10th grade english paper bad.
I can’t in good conscious ask others to read it, so I’m ditching the idea. In it’s place I’ll try to make my case as to why I’m voting the way I am. The long version will go up sometime on Monday, but here’s the executive summary of the executive summary:
John McCain is old, Sarah Palin is a joke, the Republican party needs an epic beat-down, and Barack Obama is smarter than everybody else.
I feel a big ol’ political post brewing prior to next Tuesday’s election. But for now, dear readers, I give you a new stack of quotes courtesy of my Finite Element professor.
(as always, remember to picture a 46-year old Chinese man with a moderate accent)
“I told you to think about it, and did you? No. How do I remind you? Give me your cell phone number. When do you take a shower?”
“People say, “You only teach 6 hours, you have it so easy.” I say it’s not so easy, I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my time.”
Q - one - three plus Q - one - two is equal to Q - three. Did you guys know Dillard’s has 30% off today? My wife called to tell me that there’s no dinner tonight. Q - two - one plus…”
cc: China, Dubai, God,
Encl: your legacy of failure.
Economic “Stimulus” : $168 Billion
AIG Takeover : $85 Billion
Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac Takeover : $200 Billion
Financial Industry Bailout: $850 Billion
———————————————–
Total Cost: $1.30 Trillion
Total offsets (discretionary spending offsets, revenue increases) : $0
Yes that’s right, our federal government has charged $1,300,000,000,000 dollars on the national credit card in the last 9 months. That’s by far the biggest expenditure in the budget. In fact, it’s more than the entire yearly payout from Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid COMBINED!
There is no plan to pay for it.
To put it in more tangible terms: You’ve just had your taxes raised, your universal health care denied, your troops de-funded, your retirement benefits cut, your infrastructure neglected, and your public education system destroyed. The money is gone and eventually the piper must be paid.
Anyone under the age of 40 who isn’t pissed off isn’t paying enough attention.
’bout damn time too. Those snooty Mainers think they’re sooooooo great, living in a state with a single-syllable name and bordering only one other state. Pfft! We’ll see how smart they are when they’re sucking on 6-feet of my salty storm-surge goodness.
In honor of our un-seriousunqualifiedill-prepared illustrious vice-presidential nominee, I’d like to share a few facts that I bet you didn’t know:
Alaska is next to Russia. Therefore, Sarah Palin is an international policy expert.
I can see the moon from my window. Therefore, I am a rocket scientist.
Hawaii is an island. Therefore, Barack Obama is an expert in Maritime law.
My next-door neighbor is a divorcée. Therefore, I am a marriage counselor.
I was once pulled over for speeding. Therefore, I know how to fry donuts.
Arizona is next to Nevada, which is next to California, which contains the city of San Fransisco. Therefore, John McCain is gay!
Florida is next to Cuba. Therefore, Jeb Bush is a communist!
My house has a basement. Therefore, I’m a coal-miner!
I drank a glass of water. Therefore, I can captain a submarine.
Fire engines have 8 wheels and carry 4 people. 8 + 4 = 12. There are 12 inches in a foot. One foot is a ruler. There was a ruler named Queen Elizabeth. A ship named Queen Elizabeth sails the seas. In the seas are fish. On the fish are fins. The Fins fought the Russians. Russians are red. Fire engines are always rush’n around. Therefore, fire engines are red.
I could go all day, really.
Any reader additions? Submit them in the comments. If you make me laugh, I’ll give you a cookie*
*by “give you a cookie” Obviously I mean I’ll put your submission in the main text of this post.
Everyone know the funniest professors are non-native english speakers. In that vein, imagine each of the following actual quotes from my professor as spoken by a middle-aged man with a heavy chinese accent:
“At age 20, you have a lot of strange energy but no money.”
“I want to talk to the girls for a second: You cannot find a guy you is rich, handome, and young, so you just pick one! Just like Ritz Method.”
“Think about your education. When you were in kindegarten, you watch sesame streee and they sing to you A-B-C-D! When you’re in elementary school, they didn’t sing anymore did they? It keeps getting steeper and steeper. Now you’re in AE 722 and I don’t teach! Ha Ha, joke’s on you!”
