Sure the J-man was speaking in broader terms about the human race, but I'll take the literal translation when it suits me.
I am not feeling much love and affection from my new upstairs neighbor(s). The old tenets were wonderful people and despite having to wake up and go to work at a near ungodly hour early in the morning and did right by me.
The new crew, despite moving in less than 2 months ago has managed to break a window and screen scattering the debris about the premises. They've made a habit of feeding the ducks and geese from the 2nd floor balcony making my patio ground zero for the wonderful sights and smells that 2 dozen feeding fowl bring. They've threatened death to all who oppose them while near the friendly confines of my doorway, the entire stairway still smells like Coors light. And tonight for the 5th time have managed to wake me up in the middle of the night with their amateur wrestling moves...or so I hope; which is pretty sad because I'm the heaviest sleeper I've ever known, it takes more than a casual muted ruckus to raise me from a slumber, I can only imagine what the other neighbors think.
I'm not even sure who lives there, I've seen at least half a dozen people come in and out of there on a regular basis at all hours of the day and night. I'd be all about simple and casual confrontation if threats of bitch cutting weren't previously raised.
Do I love my neighbors?
I love them for reminding me why I don't drink.
I love them for demonstrating the courser elements of human nature.
I love them for the comparative boost in my self-esteem.
I love them for giving me a reason to buy a house.
I love them for never messing up the curve in high-school.
I love them for making me look good in every conceivable way.
I love them for the occasional reminder that sleep is still a crutch.
I love them for giving me stories to tell my next of kin.
I love them for shoring up the yearning masses.
I love them for buying dumb crap and keeping the economy going.
I love them for reasons having nothing to do with quality and everything to do with inequality.
Sure I love them.
The great pogo-sticked one never says it had to be for a warm fuzzy reason.
...but this is the funniest internet video clip ever.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:
It's okay to be a bit psychotic and boosey in college, but not when you're 28 and hanging around outside my front door at 1:45 in the morning. I don't care how bad "dat bitch dun wronged you", it really is not appropriate to break your half-full beer bottle over the staircase railing and try to stab somebody.
You and you're friends are welcome to get blitzed and let off some steam, but don't congregate as a mob of angry twenty-somethings outside my door. And for love the communication, stop screaming indecipherably at one another in a tone in which only every 3rd word can be made out because you seem to have lifted it directly from your set of hand-me-down George Carlin vocabulary lessons. There is a family with a 5-year-old next door for God's sake.
I swear I was perfectly happy with my living situation for 9 full months. Now there is no way I'm here for much longer than when my current lease expires in June.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the smell of alcohol from unfinished pine?
Question: What are the odds that my boss's boss's boss has leaves me a voicemail tomorrow asking me just what exactly provoked me into waging a jihad on all things production schedule related.
Training someone for a job you just recently learned how to competently fulfill is hard and makes you stay at work late.
Oh My Mother Loving God!
I colvused so hard with laughter while watching the most recent episode of south park; I pissed spinal fluid.
If you were not lucky enough to see the acentiant 2-part episode, i will personally send you a copy.
They are technically both in fact. It is illegal to enter this country without permission, the punishment is deportation; going the extra mile to make it a felony is both pointless and mean. The prisons are full enough with regular citizens, no need to lock up the foreign nationals.
They aren’t taking your job, unless your job is to clean ditches for 2 dollars an hour with no benefits. If that be the can, maybe you should take the unemployment check and free time to better yourself through the magic bullet of education.
With that being said; there is absolutely nothing wrong with immigration, nothing. I have but two objections to allowing free access to this countries soil. If you want in, you’re certainly welcome; I only want assurance in two areas.
1.Security. I want to know your full name, family history, and a level-47 background check into your affiliations. Finger/toe/tongue/butt prints and DNA verification are required. Privacy be damned, you want to join the club you’ve got to do the elephant walk.
2.You get no taxpayer money, for X amount of years, 5, 10, 20, whatever. It’s bad enough I’ve got to support my citizen neighbor’s grandfather’s hip-replacement or RV trip to Galveston, I’m not willing taking on another dependent. No welfare; no HUD housing projects; no anything purchased with government money. Drinking from the socialism spigot is for homegrown pinkos only.
That’s it. I don’t care where you are from, how much money you have, what language you speak, or from which moral fiber you are sewn. If you promise not to kill anybody or take my stuff, then I’m happy to help you move in, I’ll even help you with the heavy end of the couch.
As far as I’m concerned, all other policies are based on the abject principles of social justice or xenophobia.
despite being on MTV and an apparent phobia of pronouncing the letter "d", Nick Cannon's new show Wild'n Out is quite funny. Something about Improv comedy raises the laughter potential 132 times normal entertainment.
After much messing around, I’ve discovered that the lock on my sliding-glass back door can be pretty easily jimmied open. I made the duel mistake of leaving the blinds open, and neglecting to drop the security bar that keeps the door from opening at all. So I wasn’t the most cautious fellow.
The real impact here doesn’t seem to be the finances or the trouble of replacing my stolen goods; it’s the psychology that’s screwing me.
I didn’t sleep well last night, and all I’ve thought about all day today is some random figure standing in my living room and playing the ‘what if’ game.
What if I had closed the blinds?
What if I had use the security bar?
What if I it wasn’t just some DVD’s?
What if I was home at the time?
What if they come back?
What if I had put the entertainment center on the other side of the room, not visible from the back door?
What if they stole my extra set of car or apartment keys?
What if, What if, What if, What if?
I’m driving myself insane with the questions and worries, and I know that it’s best not to dwell, but a complete stranger broke into my place with malice intent and all I’m thinking about is fear, anger, hate, and the dark side.
I figure it’s a good thing to write about it, because without this outlet I’m probably donning a cape, two hand cannons, and taking the Latin phrase for Vigilante of the Night as my alter ego.
2:15 am:
I currently find myself in the middle of an odd experience.
I came home from work today to find exactly 1/2 of my DVD's missing from their shelf, and my back door closed, but not locked. I'm absolutely sure that I locked it when I left for work today.
After attempting to report the theft to the normal Wichita police department, I was directed to call 911. Which I promptly did, for the 1st time in my life. I'm currently waiting for the next available officer to come by and make a report. Whatever that means. This should be interesting, I will post more details later.
2:45 Update:
I've got a case number and everything. right now legions of swat teams are swarming the city trying to unite me with my fallen companions...or not.
Officer cupcake saw no visable signs of forced entry, so apparently I'm insane and didn't lock my door like I religiously do everyday.
Odd thing about it though, is that they only took 1/2 of my DVD's. They didn't pick through them and take the ones they like, or grab the most valuable ones. They left all 5 seasons of the West Wing, the super-special ultra extended editions of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and my Monty Python Live set.
The list of stolen goods as I remember them:
Sports Night (complete Series)
Chasing Amy
Intolerable Cruelty
Mallrats
O Brother Where art thou?
Battle of Britain
Foreign Bootleg version of Star Wars Episode III
High Fidelity
Dr. Strangelove
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Spiderman
Big Lebowski
Lost in Translation
Rushmore
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Most of them were gifts or bargain bin, so It's not like I'm actually out money. And to be honest, the only one's i will probably immediately re-buy are High Fidelity and Sports Night.
The really interesting thing to me is that absolutely nothing else was taken. Seriously, why only take half of the DVD's? and why skip the DVD, Amplifier, Xbox, regular NES Nintendo system, speakers, TV, new computer, old computer, set of golf clubs, mountain bike, or anything from my bookshelf of textbooks worth considerable more than everything else? I'm okay being the victim of a brash and evil master cat burglar, but playing Wal-Mart to some idiots sub-par taste in movies just bugs me.
I've never really personally been the victim of a serious crime before so I'm not sure what to make of this whole thing. I'm too freaked out to sleep right now. Some jackass was traipsing around my living room within the last 12 hours.
One thing is for sure though, I'm buying a piece...this week.
*special ed*
I love baseball, I love baseball, I love baseball yea!
*/special ed*
I will attempt to spend the entire day watching games until I have to leave for work. Screw productivity.
Since picking up the guitar last summer, I’ve found it harder and harder to detect the depth of gouges and set marks in the parts I observe. At this point my sense of touch in my left hand is entirely useless.