87. My boss uses the terms "I.P. address", "Port", and "Network Card" interchangeably. And he never uses the right one to describe what he's actually talking about.

Sample Conversation:

Boss: "Computer 26 is broken, how long will it take to fix it?"

Me: "What do you mean by 'broken'? Does is turn on? Can you logon? Does is connect to the internet? Does it randomly breathe fire? 'Broken' doesn't mean anything to me."

Boss: "Umm...I think nobody can login, so we'll need to replace the port. How long will that take you?"

Me: "One, we cannot replace the port. The port is the little hole in the wall in which you plug in a network cable. Two, I all but guarantee you that the port is not the problem. It is likely either an I.P. address conflict, or a random Windows hardware flake-out. If it's the I.P. address, it'll take me 5 minutes. If Windows went retarded, I'll likely need to disable/re-enable the network card and reinstall some drivers, so we're talking about 30 minutes."

Boss: "Right...so redo the drivers for the I.P. and make sure we don't have duplicate ports."

Me: *punches self in face, in an effort to dull the pain*

Guess what I just did for the 7th damn time!

I am throwing a party when I'm done with this job, and you're all invited.

Fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we're going to be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
through the park and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

Well here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height
against the wall

And we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

Tonight I'll dream while in my bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
cause I can tell that we're going to be friends

-White Stripes, We're going to be Friends

Court over at minluv has esentially built a list of the reasons that I haven't been blogging politikal style in a while.

A tiny excerpt for you view pleasure:

The Republican nominee is raising the deficit through the roof while the Democrat is promising to balance the budget.

More than half voting for the Democrat nominee are not voting for him, but against the Republican

What the hell happened to the days when I used to enjoy politics? Seriously wtf?

Best wishes go out to my main man Nick who shipped out at 7 this morning for an undisclosed location near the Iraq/Kuwait border. It seems that he and his buddies are about to get their mad army on.

Kick some ass and take some gas my friend, and always remember rule number 1: Don't Die.

Today was the first day of my last year of classes. And I of course, managed to show up 4 minutes late to one of them. I could've sworn it started at 1:30 not 1:00, seriously.

My overall class schedule totally rules, but more on that later. For now, I've got to come up with a little speech to give to all the aerospace students tomorrow about SAE and why they should join, and I haven't even started yet.

Say what you will about the TOG, but I get my procrastination done early.

You know how back in junior high and high school there was always that one kid who had an girlfriend who lived out of state and nobody ever saw, but she was totally smoking hot and was the reason why he never got a date? It's the teenage version of an imaginary friend.

I just realized that for the span of 2 months, to the rest of my 8th grade class, I WAS that kid.

I totally was "going out" with my mothers' boss's niece, Tara, who was a year younger than me and I met on a spring break ski trip with my family and friend of my family. She lived down in Galena, KS and I knew her for 3 day before we "went out". We spent the next 4 days holding hands and even had the occasional kiss...ahhh, good times. We talked on the phone for the next 2 months and then she broke up with me...I was sad. Sure the entire thing was slightly pathetic, but at least she existed.

And the thing is, I can't prove any of this happened because we kept it secret from the grown-ups, and I have no f'ing clue where she's been for the last 8 years.

Man, I'm Pathetic.

Happy 21nd to The Mooch We here at TOGT anticipate you arrival from Chi-Town, and we hope you have a Moochilicously Moochtastic Moochfest of a 21rd anniversary of your birth.

Get the fuck out of my way. I got shit to do and you are seriously pissing me off right now.

Can you vanquish your quest...as a peasant

Looks like Juby's got himself a little gig spinning tracks over at KJHK.

Yes, I'm jealous.

85. When we get a new student, they fill out a acceptable use form and they get a user account that allows them to access our lab computers. The actual act of adding a single user to our system takes me between 20-45 seconds, depending of the degree of foreign-ness in the name. Now I've written up a procedure for this, twice, explaining to death every last damn detail of what to click what to type. Had you ever seen a computer before in your life, you could sit down and do this in 5 minutes. In addition to making a written procedure, I have personally explained and coached my boss through this process at least a half dozen times. I don't have a whole lot of patience for stupidity, so let me just say this...

It still takes him 30 minutes to add an account.

86. My boss smells of severe old man funk.

Behold, Team America...now with majesty!

Note to the Pundits: relax it's from the South Park dudes so you know you'll piss yourself with laughter.