ahhhh..yeah. You know what I'm talkin' bout.
no?...anybody?...fine, I'll explain
In your general office environment, all the worker bees sit in nice comfy padded chairs, staring blankly into their computer screens. That is until something goes wrong with the computer. Then the I.T. guy has to come in and try to fix whatever the worker bee broke.
Yes, the WINNT folder is important. No, randomly deleting files won't make your computer better.
Invariably, the I.T. guy won't be able to guide the mindless automaton through the steeps needed to stave off the impending blue screen of death, so He'll have to sit down at the computer and do it himself.
And there comes the rub. The mindless automaton may not be able to accomplish anything useful to the rest of the world, but like all mammals, he is a living heat source. So that nice comfy padded chair of his has been baking at 98.6 degrees under his ever-widening rump. And now the I.T. guy has to sit in that festering wad of cushion and fabric and do his ward off the computer gremlins of this world.
And the worst part? The I.T. guy knows it’s coming, and has done everything in his power to stop it. The moronic peon, realizing what he's left behind in the inner folds of that gluteus-maximus domicile when he stands up and catch the cool 72 degree rush of ambient air, becomes grossly self-aware.
All this of course leads to the bumbling idiot to blather on because his nerves are racking his brain which leaves him even more useless than before and he's now hindering the I.T. guy making him sit even longer in that luke-warm sponge trying not to think about the odors now seeping into the seat of his pants.
welcome to my life: where pee in the pool is the least of your problems
As offical town cryer for TOG (and Pres, VP, Sec. of Paper Cuts..etc) let it by known that the following statements have henceforth been stated.
TOG is now official a participator in the Million Dollar Football Pool. Therefore MDFP shall be the offical sport of TOG until it's conclusion at the end of the NFL season.
In the spirit of the aforementioned game, a link to miniluv, brain child of fellow MDFP participate Court, shall be located in the links section of the mockup
In the spirit of the aforementioned reference, the mockup will soon no longer be the mockup. It shall soon simply be the front page. Therefore this is the last chance for all citizens and casual readers alike to suggest modifications to the Secretary of Webmastery.
So mote it be!
In case anybody was wondering what I've been doing the 6 days since school started. Here's your anwser. And yes, it was due the second day of class.
But that my friends, isn't even the real nut of it. The real rub comes at me specifically (like all real rubs do). Because of the university's enrollment snafu, I missed all of my classes on Thursday, including 550. So I spent 15 hours doing homework for a class I had never step foot in.
Welcome to your junior year in Aerospace Engineering. Don't drop the soap.
Since I don't have anything remotely interesting to say right now, I'll just point out that MTV has done a remake of Spider-Man It's pretty entertaining as far a TV shows go, and really quite an impressive technical jump. It's the first good quality CG (computer generated) series. The chips & salsa required to animate graphics like that are getting better and cheaper, so good stuff is sure to follow.
Well, today was supposed to be my first day of classes, starting at 8:00 a.m. But the powers that be decided that they wouldn't allow my seamless transition from summer time work to fall term school. So I was magically dropped from all my classes yesterday, unbeknownst to me. So when I finally found out at 10:30 last night through e-mail (DTFU: level 1 inductee) There was nothing I could do about it. Thus instead of going to all my classes today, starting the semester off right, I was running all over campus trying to figure out what the hell they did to screw me over.
After hours of line standing, wrong window meet, I'm not the person to talk to greeting, I still don't know why I was dis-enrolled. And apparently neither does anybody else on this god-forsaken campus.
So here I go again braving the waters of this momument to inefficiency they call a university, in a vain attempt to pursue some semblance of respect in the form of an overpriced piece of paper.
mmm...bureaucracy
MOST UPDATEDLYNESS UPDATE: Victory is mine...sort of. I explain in depth later but suffice to say, I finally got it all staightened out and I've be re-enrolled in my classes, except for circuits because it's full. But soon even that will be remedied...now where did I put that vile of strychnine?
In addition to my work over at my mockup I've also decided to add a permanent essay section. It will have permanent links to various essays I've written, as well as those that I find interesting written by others. Until then, sink you eyes on this beauty I wrote this spring. It's basically the history of political thought since the beginning of time. There is a pretty light hearted tone throughout so even if you don't like the nitty gritty of ideologies, it shouldn't be too hard to enjoy. So wrap your brains around it and let me know what you think, even if it's unmentionably offensive.
n3v3r 83f0re 1n +3h h15t0ry 0PH TOG h4V3 1 P0$T3d 3n+1RELy 1n l33t. N0 lon93r $h@ll th1$ tr4vi$+y 49a1n$+ @ll tg1n9$ n3rd $+and unch4llen93d. The g4un+l3t h45 833n thr0wn d0wn cl3ar1n9 th3 w4y ph0r M3 to 4cc3pt my r19htphull 1nh3r1+@nc3 oph +he 34r+h!
F4-5h1zzle My N1zzl3!
In my ongoing effort to expand my vocabulary of made up words, and make milk come out of your nose, I've decide to incorporate the word "gigli" into my language. The only question that remains is what part of speech should it be? Let go over the candidates.
Gigli noun 1.a clossal failure when compared to any and all reasonable expections. Best used in metaphors or similes.
ex. She pulled a Gigli by totally her car before leaving the dealer's lot.
Gigli verb 1.the act of statching defeat from the claws of victory.
ex. He totally giglied his marriage to that super model by sleeping with the one legged stipper at his bachelor party.
Gigli adj 1.wholly unfunctional 2. painful to experience.
ex. Watching Jim get kicked in the junk was a gigli experience for all the men present.
[publishers warning: non-original explectives ahead, hide the kids]
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why.
Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.
-Denis Leary
Jeans. Where the crap does that word come from? It's not an obvious pop culture contraction, and it's not the name of any particular company. So what's the deal?
Here's the deal, courtesy of Design Boom:
the word jeans comes from a kind of material that was made in europe.
the material, called jean, was named after sailors from genoa in italy,
because they wore clothes made from it
seperate stories from yesterday's USA Today
Experts say Heat kills 50 in paris: Europe Wilts as hot weather continues.
what is our commander in chief doing on the same day?
Heat Runs. Where whenever the tempature gets above 100 degrees the president yells out "heat run" and within 30 minutes, he's out running 3 miles, leaving all but his most fit secret service agents in the dust. We're not talking old man jogging pace here, we're talking 7.5 minute mile. Thats respectable for any 25-year-old, let alone a 57-year-old.
ha ha, pansy phrench phucks.
we now return to our regularly scheduled blogcast
41. Spend a whole day in the U.S. supreme court
42. Eat a 100 dollar dinner
43. Get asked out by a semi-random lady, say yes.
44. Make some contribution to a open source software project
45. Read every Tom Clancy book ever written
46. Play a round at Augusta National
47. Own a gas/electric hybrid car bonus: tell OPEC where to shove it
48. See Bob Dylan and/or Willie Nelson in concert
49. Win a NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament pool
50. Meet Thomas Sowell
51. Help put my brother/niece/nephew/2nd cousin through college
52. Pull a “Sean Connery in Finding Forrester” to some kid I’m not related to
53. Watch all 6 Star Wars episodes in order, on a high definition TV.
54. Tell off a career politician face to face
55. Go Ice Fishing
56. Visit Ireland and be mistaken for one of her own
57. Personally watch KU win the Men’s Basketball National championship
58. Jump off a bridge (preferably into water) after my friend does
59. Own a Jet-Ski
60. Be in charge of designing an airplane that goes into full production
Learned Hall is closed today, due to a scheduled power outage for adding the new building to the grid. Which means no work for me. Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy.
Maybe it's just me feeling grossly disenfranchised from the house right now, but school hasn't even started yet, and I'm already contemplating how/when/where to find other housing.
I spent all this evening with Betzen and Valerie (Betzen's last night before he goes to Montana for Grad school) and during the evening's events I decided that if Val were a guy, we would be awesome roommates. She most promptly agreed. But then we got to thinking, and thus into trouble.
Why should a gender difference matter? I would understand if we were both normal 18-year-old freshman moving out from under the wings of our parents for the first time. But the fact is, neither of us is normal, at least not in comparison to the binge drinking, party going, "I wanna get laid" college masses. We've been confiding friends for 18 months, and we may have the most stable platonic relationship in existence. Sure it's different, but the standard male/female proximity tension that keeps normal people from doing this just isn't there between us.
Now the sheer logistics of this will most likely prevent it from happening. (She's going to Italy for the next 4 months and will graduate a semester before I do) I'm just wandering if this is hypothetically viable. So tell me kind reader, what say you?
Screw super-heroes, pro wrestlers, or 50-foot monsters. I want a President Bush action figure!
not done with the next 20 things on my list, sorry you'll all have to wait another day
I tend to think of myself as a fan of cinema, and a fairly good judge of quality. So imagine my surprise when I just saw our good friend Steven Spielberg’s year-old "summer blockbuster" from last year. Yes, I'm talking about Minority Report. Old Stevie normally puts out good stuff, and he's been known to drop the hammer, smack you in the face with brilliance, bend you over, and make you say, "please sir, may I have another." Minority Report on the other hand, is total crap.
If you make a futuristic sci-fi thriller, you sure as hell better be able to suspend the disbelief of your audience. And since it's futuristic sci-fi, your audience is generally made of smarter guys who are logical technology freaks. We have a pretty good handle on what technology will and won't be possible within our life times. So don't B.S. us Steve-o! If you want to construct a massively new super-structure for D.C. go ahead. Put all the automatic massive scale retinal identifiers you want, engineer vertical highways to moon, think jet packs are cool? Give them to everybody! But don't you even dare to think you can pass of this utopian ideal off on me by dating in 2054. 2154 maybe, but there is no way on god's green earth that any of that comes even close to existence 51 years from now. The sheer technological logistics make it all impossible.
It'll be 2 more Jaws and another Saving Private Ryan before I forgive you.
I figure I'll eventually post the entire list someplace, a lot like I've got my 100 things about me list posted. But until then...snootchie-bootches!
20. Create a scholarship available only to middle class white males
21. Rub my riches and fame in the face of my 4th grade teacher who almost failed me
22. Go spelunking
23. Physically save someone from serious bodily harm
24. Win some big contest or raffle, that is in no way based on skill
25. Ask a semi-random lady on a date, have her say yes
26. Double down on 11 in Vegas
27. Save a Jack Russell Terrier from the pound
28. Meet Jack Russell, if he’s dead, visit his grave
29. Learn to play acoustic guitar
30. Convert a hippie to capitalism
31. Pay my parents back for every dollar they spent on me after I turned 18 (yes, I’ve kept track)
32. Install some sort of alternative energy source for my house (solar panel, wind mill, nuclear reactor)
33. Spend an entire week at library
34. Give a boat load of money to whatever church my best friend is pastoring (and by boat load, I mean at least enough to buy a boat)
35. Do the same for my cousin
36. Spend all week at the Osh Kosh Fly-in
37. Get in a brawl, fight club style
38. Meet a used-to-be-famous person when they are 80 and tell them how freaking awesome they are.
39. Influence a piece of US legislation that becomes law, or influence the prevention of passing a law. (before of course, I achieve #20)
40. Work nights at a community theater for kicks
Okay I said it, now why do you care? More importantly, why do I care? Because you see gentle readers, I spent the first 15 years of my life as an Episcopalian, this is before of course I knew that church could be more than standing, kneeling, praying, singing, praying, kneeling, standing, kneeling...etc. in unison. Then I wised up, went evangelical, and the rest is history. My family still attends the Episcopal Church in my hometown. Though I don’t know for how long after this debacle.
Now I'm not going to go all theological on you...oh wait...yes I am.
If you as a church base your beliefs on the bible, which you believe to be the word of god, in which it is clearly stated that homosexuality is wrong ("let no man lay with another man, or woman with another woman") thus logically you believe that God says homosexuality is wrong. So it’s not a very good idea to have a leader of your church in direct defiance of the very God you worship. Then again, I'm not very fond of hypocrisy in my religious beliefs. But hey that's just me, that's the way I swing.
I was bored at work so I decided to start a list of things I want to do before I die. In order to over extend the content of this site, and to establish a viable ruse to camoflage my laziness, I'm only releasing the list 20 items at a time.
Peep Delta!
Stuff to do before I die
1. Watch a MLB game in each of the following ball parks; Turner Field, Safeco Park, Fenway, Pac Bell, Camden Yards.
2. Catch a ball in the bleachers of one of the aforementioned ball parks
3. Scuba Dive in the deep blue sea (prerequisite: lose fear of water)
4. Have a 1 million dollar net worth
5. Attain pilots license
6. Avoid France under pain of death
7. Go 1 full week without talking to another human being
8. Travel faster than the speed of sound
9. Tell a professional fundraiser where to shove their contribution form
10. Visit Australia
11. Have a true enemy
12. Observe the curvature of the earth
13. Get a Master’s degree, but never a doctorate
14. Be mentioned in a published book
15. Stay awake for more that 48 hours straight
16. Be on a first name basis with the bartender of a Bar & Deli, and have a tab there
17. Buy a beer and pour it out for the homies who’ve gone before.
18. Own a house overlooking the ocean/sea/lake/pond/puddle/lagoon/broken septic system.
19. Hang out at a VFW and listen to all the war stories
20. Own a pacific island, adopt the U.S. constitution, declare independence, and tell the UN where they can stick their "peace keepers"
this is awesome. ASCII freaking rules.
In my never ending quest to educate the media about reality, let me explain a misconception you have.
causality: It doesn't mean "dude killed by the enemy" it just means "soldier incapable of combat." If a soldier catches a bullet between the eyes, he's a causality. If he pulls a hamstring playing basketball, he's a causality. If he paper cuts he way through his own hand, he's a causality. All of this information of course is available in any dictionary. Stop trying to use military jargon, you sound retarded.*
*Yes, I realize that's not a gender sensitive nomenclature. Blow me
two new additions
Miserlou - Dick Dale
Human Wreckage - Sponge
Still no final track order decided yet, but it's getting more firm, like pudding.
over the past month, I've been tinkering with a new mockup for the site. It looks pretty nice right now, but I've just decided that it's total crap. and a cookie cutter excuse for a layout just won't do. So peruse the mockup if you like, it's distictly betting than the crap your looking at now, but be prepared for cutting edge in awesomeness.
In conclusion: Damn the Man, Save the Empire!