1. It is not necessary to proclaim to the world what float is coming next. They are only moving 3 miles/hour, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to see each one before it’s beyond my visual range.

2. When it’s 13 degrees outside, everyone is going to be cold. Just because someone isn’t bundled up like an Eskimo doesn’t warrant a comment on how chilly they must be.

3. When you see a float coming down the street 3 blocks away, and all that you can make out on their banner is “Valley Falls Band” don’t turn swiftly to everyone in the area and ask “Where are they from?” Your fellow parade viewers are busy looking at the Float in front of them, not what will be coming along in 10 minutes. And even if they were pyschotic like you, they don't have any better vision, so just down some more ritalin and wait it out.

4. Complaining about not being able to see clearly to total strangers is useless, they don’t care and neither do I.

5.You don’t have to read every banner and bit of text you see out loud, the world is neither impressed with your reading skills nor your public speaking ability, and you don’t need to prove that you can do either.

6. No, you can’t cross the street in-between floats; the police barriers and armed officers should have given you a hint. And calling the officers “coppers” won’t help you cause, deal with it.

7. It’s not essential to use the presenting/providing companies name when describing any float. I don’t care about the “Holiday train by Coca-Cola” or about the “'a Santa Claus Thanksgiving' float presented by Target” The TV annoucers are required by contract to say these things, and they get paid to do it. Unless you're getting some sort of corporate kick-back I don't know about, shut your yapper

8. I don’t care what your favorite float/band/famous person/song thus far is, and neither do the 300,000 other people out here, so stop analyzing and dissecting the parade when it’s only been going for 20 minutes.

9. Your comments are never witty; don’t try. I don’t care if you think that helium-ballon Paul Bunyon’s axe could cut down lots of trees. Neither do I care if you think a 40 foot-long Alligator needs a really big toothbrush. Think about it, you sound like you’re three years old.

10. No, they aren’t waving at you, they don’t know you exist, they don't care that you drove 10 hours just to see them. They’re probably thinking about the money they’re making for being in this stupid parade, or how numb their butt is or how tired their face is because they have been sitting on the back of a convertible and smiling at idiots like you for the past 3 hours.