87. My boss uses the terms "I.P. address", "Port", and "Network Card" interchangeably. And he never uses the right one to describe what he's actually talking about.

Sample Conversation:

Boss: "Computer 26 is broken, how long will it take to fix it?"

Me: "What do you mean by 'broken'? Does is turn on? Can you logon? Does is connect to the internet? Does it randomly breathe fire? 'Broken' doesn't mean anything to me."

Boss: "Umm...I think nobody can login, so we'll need to replace the port. How long will that take you?"

Me: "One, we cannot replace the port. The port is the little hole in the wall in which you plug in a network cable. Two, I all but guarantee you that the port is not the problem. It is likely either an I.P. address conflict, or a random Windows hardware flake-out. If it's the I.P. address, it'll take me 5 minutes. If Windows went retarded, I'll likely need to disable/re-enable the network card and reinstall some drivers, so we're talking about 30 minutes."

Boss: "Right...so redo the drivers for the I.P. and make sure we don't have duplicate ports."

Me: *punches self in face, in an effort to dull the pain*