Yesterday was my first day back at work, after post-junior week off. Plenty of things to talk about transpired last week, but that's not why I'm here.

I'm here to introduce you to an absolutely amazing feat of human instinct! For I, the humble TOG, have discovered a new sub-species of human.

I present to you Jimmeus Johnous:

These gentle giants can be found inside the offical gourmet sandwich shop of TOG, and are identified by glazed over eyeballs, friendly half-assed 'how's it going' communication they exhibit when their natural prey, the ever elusive 'customer', strolls into the den.

In most situations, Jimmeus Johnous acts similar to his food service brethren. That is of course until they have you alone, in their fortress of solitude. Only then, will they show off there two abilities. You see fellow travelers; Jimmeus Johnous has a near perfect ability to sense its prey.

Allow me to explain:

Yesterday, whilst enjoying a delicious #2 Big John at the offical gourmet sandwich shop of TOG the local population of Jimmeus Johnous decided to take a break and prepared some yummy goodness for themselves. Which, considering that I was to only other person present did not seem that unusual. So the two, a male and a female (thou at this point we cannot be sure that they are mating partners), leisured their way into the dining area and began to feed.

At this point I feel the need to describe the surroundings and location of the den, for reason that will be apparent later of course. This particular den, or "sandwich shop" as they prefer it to be called, is located in a pseudo strip mall on 23rd street here in Lawrence. You're familiar with the type of surrounding, pizza place, copy center, party outlet store, and vacuum cleaner shop (no kidding). The important thing is that there is communal parking for all the stores. So keep this in mind.

now, back to the show

The afore mentioned specimens were performing the aforementioned feeding rituals in the aforementioned dining area when another unsuspecting prey fell victim to the allure of their well priced gourmet sandwiches, and came driving up in an overpriced luxury SUV, a JoCoMoFo to be sure. Instantly the feedings ceased as the young Jimmeus Johnous scurried behind the counter just in time to great the pretentious young stalwart.

After said stalwart had completed his transaction and gone home to have nastily unprotected sex with some young JoCoHo, who is most certainly the most beautiful yet shallowest person in the greater Kansas City area. The aforementioned Jimmeus Johnous went back to doing whatever the hell it was they were doing before I wrote that line about nastily unprotected sex.

You're distracted by that phrase weren't you?

Admit it, you were!

...me too

Pardon me while I go back and reread what I just wrote so that I can re-rail this thought train and get to the conclusion of this distastely long post.

ahh yes...the feeding time

Anyway, they went back to feeding until another car pulled up. Quickly they scrambled back to service position, greeting the guy whom had just walked it. He, by the way, was decidedly not a JoCoMoFo, and thus did not warrant me having any thoughts about nastily unprotected sex.

Damnit! I did it again!

Quickly let us proceed, lest we get bogged down in thoughts of sin!

So the feeding/scrambling routine happened once more, with both the male and female sensing the impending arrival or prey the near second the prey’s transmission was shifted into park. This struck me as odd, as the prey could have been visiting anyone of the way aforementioned business establishments, excepting of course the vacuum cleaner shop, which isn’t open at 7:15 pm. So I rationalized to myself that Jimmeus Johnous must be a jumpy species. But I was not ready for the events that would soon transpire.

Scarcely three minutes after the old prey had left the den, a new car rolls into the lot and parks right in front of the sandwich shop. Slowly I hunker down waiting for the impending scramble. The car stopped, but they did not move. The car door opened but they did not move. They prey walked straight down the sidewalk, directly toward the entrance to the den, and yet they did not move. They’ll be slaughtered I propose to myself, what could possibly have caused this gross negligence in reaction time. Quickly the prey approached the entrance. 10 feet, 7 feet, 5...3…1

And then the oddest thing happened, the lady whom I though was surely headed for the den, continued on her way down the row of stores, past the den, and into the copy center.

How did they know? What other worldly powers do they possess that would allow them to understand this lady’s intentions? How is this possible? I am so enormously hung up on this that I’ve been walking around in a daze ever since. I fear the very foundations of the earth are in jeopardy if we cannot discover the Jimmeus Johnous’ source of power.