I literally saw the weirdest thing to ever happen since the beginning of time. Long about 7:30 this evening Nathan, former western neighbor of TOG, came rapping at my door and merely told me to "come here" that was it. So being the gullible gloat I am, I followed thus embarking on farked up journey. There in the middle of the second floor hallway, hanging from a mirror holding bracket, was a fluttering sparrow. Yes, a freaking sparrow! Some it had managed to get a primary flight feather wedged into the 4mm gap between the mirror and bracket, and was flailing about like a sparrow caught on a mirror bracket. Now that my friends, takes the DTFU scale to never before seen heights.
So Nathan did what any normal person would: simply stand there and marvel at the statistical anomaly flapping before him. I, on the other hand, am no mere mortal. I, my dear readers, am compassionate. Yes I know it's a stretch, but keep in mind that my blanket hatred of people doesn't imply a willingness to ignore a fledgling bird. I could find any gloves, so I rounded up a hand towel and very carefully wrapped the birds body in it while I worked to free its left wing from the diabolical clutches of plastic and glass. Emboldened by the opportunity for heroics, and educated by seeing too many episodes for The Crocodile Hunter Diaries I worked the offending feather free, checked for damage, cradled the sparrow in my towel, took it outside, watched it fly from my hands into the wild blue yonder.

Now remind me again why I don't get any love from the ladies.